I went to watch Break Up with a friend today at Cineleisure near The Curve. Never intended to watch it, but since this friend invited me and I had nothing to do, so I agreed to accompany her to watch it. Turned out ok, but it got me thinking about the issues of relationships and what people do when they break up with their partners. It got me started thinking back on all the relationships I had before my relationship with Chen Lei.
People do stupid things in relationships. Some people I see do even more stupid things to get into a relationship, regardless if the person they want the relationship with is interested in the same thing or not. I see people getting into relationships just because their friends are in relationships. When I was in high school, relationships never really crossed my mind as I was in an all-girl school, and I hadn't spend much time with boys. The only boys I get to mix with was the boys in my tuition class. And I was shy enough never to talk much to boys at that time. But I see lots of couples being formed in that tuition class and now, I have no idea why it never occurred to me that I could have done the same thing. Probably due to my shyness and my parents were strict about dating at that age.
I had friends grumbling to me that all their friends have either a boyfriend or a girlfriend and how come they don't have one. I usually just laughed and told them why do they need one? I was happy hanging out with my girlfriends. I find boys make things more awkward when they are around. Don't get me wrong. I'm not innocent or anything at that time. I know what relationships are and what people do in relationships. I just couldn't or didn't find the interest to get into one myself. This went on till college days.
In college I find myself surrounded by boys. That was a culture shock for me. Slowly, I got used to the company of boys. I remember my first "crush". We shall just call him X, ok? Thinking back, I can call myself 'stupid', 'bodoh', 'chun choi', 'pentan' (mandarin). I must admit I did so many stupid things just to get his attention and just to spend time with him. And to tell you the truth, when I left that college, and never saw this boy again, I have never felt the same deep feelings with any other guys anymore. Till I met my hubby, of course. By the time I met him (my hubby), I have learned never to shortchange myself when it comes to relationships. That's another story altogether.
After X, I do have other relationships, but what I felt for the other guys could never be compared to what I felt for X. It's sad, actually. To have 1 guy ruined that. For it was pretty bad with X. It was so bad that it affected my studies and had to leave the college to start afresh elsewhere. During this time, my relationship with my parents weren’t so good either. Tension is always with us.
Even though I had other relationships, they never last long. The most it’s usually 2 years plus. They never reached the three years mark. I was fortunate as most of my break ups are mutual and friendly. We’re still in contact with each other and I had even attended one of their weddings. I think this is because my feelings for those guys weren’t deep enough to hurt.
The movie was different. It was the girl who initiated the break up, but I think she regretted the decision almost immediately after she said it out loud. Then she went on a mission to try to make him change. That’s the thing about the success of a relationship. We should not try to change our partners. That will never work. It was that character in the first place that attracted them to us. And suddenly we find that the same quality that attracted you in the first place is the quality that you cannot tolerate. Isn’t that funny? She tried dating other guys and flaunting the other guys to his ex-boyfriend (as they are still living together as neither is willing to move out). As expected, that failed, as he upped the ante by having girls over to have a party. The situation got from bad to worse when each had their friends having to choose sides.
However, the situation turned around to a positive side when they both decided to discuss things instead of yelling insults at each other. Issues were brought out and both parties listened to each other. That’s what makes a relationship work. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N. We need to communicate with one another to make the other person understand what we want or what we’re trying to tell them. We humans are no mind readers. We should not expect our partners to read our minds and to know immediately what we want without us having to tell them. That’s pretty unfair.
All these are from my experience, and I’m sure other people might disagree with what I’m saying here. Relationships and break ups are such open topics that different people have different opinions. But I believe that what I’ve shared here is just general truth. It took one movie for me to start thinking about this. And I actually decided not to watch it initially. I’m glad I did as it made me think deeper.
